Hello to the one person reading this blog. As we type I am listening to Machine Girl, It's a Sunday, I regret wasting my Saturday at home, and I am dreading this upcoming Monday.

I haven't worked on this site in a while, and I worry that there are parts of this site I haven't checked (out of laziness) that are very clearly unfinished due to a rushed push to get this sites source onto my rpi. I figured out what happened to web after injuring myself multiple times and it turns out she has a disk issue. So she will be dormant as I wait for more disks to arrive.

I attained 3 more friends, those being Mayura, ME-Tan and Yakui. You can see them here, with reisen2.

They're very very cute, and I forgive how long it took for them to get delivered. If you want them yourselves you can get them at Moe Channel!

I am HORRIBLY behind on uni work, but catching up, and really that is it.. I haven't worked on projects outside of uni either. I have really been neglecting everything to be honest. But I am slowly trying my best and implementing new things into my routines and very slowly getting better. Life has been boring, but it's not a scary boring, it's more a neutral boring and I think thats cool. Yay!

braindump 11: so it turns out loss is much harder to deal with than I II II L

So around this time, last week, news broke to me that one of my close friends passed away.

It has been really hard to deal with, I keep seeing people that look similar to them and hope everything was just all an elaborate joke and that thats actually them! Everytime I do see videos or pictures of them I cant help but burst into tears and somehow find myself in a thought spiral of "Oh they're actually gone and there's nothing I can do about it and I'll never be able to see them again."

I went to their memorial a few days ago and it was really lovely seeing how many people were there! There was a lot of crying and there were a lot of hugs and a lot of laughs too especially thinking back to when we used to troll random twitch streamers back in 2019! Everything was done in true adrian style I would say!

Death is a really weird thing, the only other experiences I have had with it in the past is with people I didn't know personally, and very close calls with it myself, so I never really knew how deep it really cuts until now!

thought 24: last day of uni

so between last post and this post a trillion things have happened, but i won't go too in detail about it.

i have sucessfully planted myself into 3 friend groups who are all intersected in some way, and i have a lot of hate for 2 of my flatmates. i explored a lot and tried a lot of new things! i have also been working on a few projects, which i won't be showing here as they are school related. overall first year of uni is cool. i enjoyed more than i hated it!

braindump 10: day 1 of uni

ok so yesterday i had arived to uni and i don't really think theres any other word to describe that day other than chaotic? i missed most of my lectures that day, as my parents wanted to take me out to celebrate, somehow got over the fear of talking to people, made a lot of friends (and enemies), and got egged twice,, (they all missed)

return on the 1st of november 2023

forgot it all.

thought 23: result day

i got my a-level results and im so happy oh my gah.. i got 1 C and 2 Bs! which is enough to get into the course i want which is awesome. thank you to past me for doing really well on exams and for passing the interview...

thought 22: dolls

i saw this image and my life has now changed FOREVER. i'd be lying if i said i did not want to do this.. i have recently become so so infatuated with dolls recently, it's the one thing that has gotten me back into using pinterest(which still sucks), to make a moodboard of the doll(s) i plan to create in the future..

.... alright jarvis give me a graphical representation of my brain when dolls.

(excuse the crude GIMPing)

agh they are just so so adorable and cute... and the possibilities are endless!..

thought 21: millions must be creative

i WILL get a camcorder and i WILL meet up with my friends and we WILL make funny little videos together.

braindump 9: bug meeting

yesterday was the ultimate day of all time... the day i met with: lobotomyer, slug, and marisa.

overall it was very fun.. we went to a museum and to a cool record store.. and it was very nice to meet slug for the first time, and to meet marisa and lobotomyer again!!

museuming

at the museum we went to the aquarium which was really cool! it was really nice to observe and read about the fish! i got to see a starfish slowly move and it was so so cool... there was also the bug zone, and an area about ancient egypt, dinosaurs and space and time.

i really liked the bugzone and the space and time area! i wish that the space and time area was a lot bigger but it was still cool nonetheless. it was satisfying to look at the mechanisms and how they worked, even though certain things wouldn't work..

record shop

i was so so sad i didn't have any other money to spend here so i spent a lot of time just looking through the records and cds! there was so much cool stuff i wish i could have gotten my hands on... that day i also found out that tame impala is just 1 guy and that aphex twin is 2 guys! it's the craziest thing ever..

other stuff

i can't really remember where else we went to, but we set up base at the mcdonald's (with 400 seats) and talked a lot about cool things c:

being able to talk to people in person about your interests is so so awesome!!

i do feel a little bad because i am a better at talking to lobotomyer than slug and marisa, and i feel really intimidated whenever i try to talk to them... hopefully i will be able to get over that fear soon though!

i'm a little sad i wasn't able to take photos so that i can remember this in image form, but hopefully this post is enough for me to read back through and remember everything..

braindump 8: rot girl summer

general update blog entry as i have not worked on this site for more than a month

projects

i have been working on web and non-web projects.. mostly non-web projects!

the web projects in question are:

the mindlair - i plan for this to be a place where i can plant all my ideas.. really just a place for all my worldbuilding - this will be a point and click maze kind of thing! (and i guess it'll count as a game too?)

boards - currently in an on and off testing phase.

i have been messing around with hydra and p5.js! it has been really really fun and i really want to implement that into some areas of the mindlair!

i have also been working on a page for all my music and finding archives of all the lost stuff...

non-web projects in question are:

a2v - a script i made to automate creating videos for albums.. think of those music archives! basically that. i plan on implement a feature to upload said videos to youtube, and to also clean up stuff!

evilbot3.0 - this is for a task uni sent to me to prepare for my course.. they said to make it "general purpose" and im hoping some generic commands + specific commands at least make it counts as one!

angelic confrontation 2k - a half finished game i originally started creating in monogame which i will be porting to unity (for uni again) just to catch up on stuff!

other stuff

i've been really excited recently - i am going to meet a few friends of mine tomorrow!!

i was expecting summer to be more summery... but it hasn't been mind-meltingly hot as per usual! i think the sun has disappeared..

but i think no sun is better than heatwaves.. i can be comfy underneath 7 million blankets that way!

hopefully the weather is nice tomorrow and it doesn't rain whilst i'm out.

and increasingly as time goes, i have been getting so so tired of python as a language! friendship ended with python, c++ is my new friend. only lord knows how much more time i will spend using this language.. its a shame i can get things done really quickly in it, and it's used for pretty much anything..!

also i think i may get rid of the devlog.. it is kind of useless now hehehe

braindump 7: slackin', themin' n schemin'

AAH!!! i have been hit with the blessing(curse?) of slack!! i don't want to work anymore..,,,, well really i do - i just cannot bring myself to do anything as i get so easily distracted and or just turned away!

progress on boards

i open boards folder,,, run application and spend all day rotating through listening to music, scanning stack overflow, talking to friends and spend all day trying to implement feature and bug test bug test bug test bug test!!

i am so close to finishing this yet so far...

so far i have implemented these features:

• 2 easter eggs based on post id
• ability to sort
• revisited the css to make theme creation easier - now have to implement the ability to pick one

things i still have yet to implement are: quick replies and a way to report posts.

i also changed db softwares and rewrote the backend i had prior to adding the new features, but it was not much work!

the themin' in question

well... on this topic there are 2 things i want to theme. my site and my computer!

i must make my computer look like some OS used in some hacker movie made in the 2000's, in which the producers try so hard to make it look so windows-not-windows.

website-wise i have been very very inspired by sites such as dreamcult.xyz, and zanarkand and pc98 fantasy themed games, on how i should make my site look.. but i don't want to drastically change things!! maybe just a color change here and there, and a little png slapped in some random place...

i think this layout is one i can stay consistent with.. keyword layout!! the theme will probably change all the time depending on whatever the hell i'm into.

what about the schemin'!

well the schemin' is all to do with that shmup engine i have been working on... i have a cute concept planned for it and stuff!! i cannot wait until i have the free free time to work on it.. i think it will be fun although tedious!! perhaps i will release a demo or something one day... keep ya eyes peeled!!

i can't wait to finish it and show you all :]

thought 20: se:l

this show was so obviously about learning how to use the computer! and if you say otherwise you are just in denial...

braindump 6: denpa overload

sorry (again) for lack of any activity on this site! but i am finally free and i can work on this again. summer has arrived!

firstly, i will start giving these titles and dates so things feel more organized

this will be Soooo me over summer. I will be outside and very active And go to the beach among other things people do for summer. I will ride a dolphin! --->

anyways. plans i have so far is:

• contribute to nekoweb
• work with alongthewalls on soundcloud bot + website
• finish vn cup submission with friends
• finish all pages to be made for this site
• be at least at a good point in development of shmup game (will gloss over this later)
• add new features to 18txt

... and thats all i can think of currently. now for the part why i tell you why the title of the braindump is so.

the denpa overload in question

denpa overload. denpa overload! the only thing that some how keeps me motivated to work on this game is denpa. i guess this is so because of how stupidly cute it is and idk! i guess you can't be mad at it. it also matches the theme of the game i am making which i guess is another form of motivation in itself!

records i have listened to the most

とろ美 - トロヅクシ

IOSYS - ワァオ！ハイパー電波チャン - ARM商業作品集

ななひら - プチリズム7♭

probably not the best that denpa as a whole has to offer, but i do enjoy these a lot. too much sampling potentiality!! none of this is scrobbled because i do not scrobble youtube listens sorry last fm stalkers

in other news.. (real life)

hopefully! sometime soon i will be meeting some internet friends again which will be really fun. i'm at least looking forward to that in terms of summer. i burned a mix of my music on a couple of cds and i was planning to sell them but im not too sure if i do want to sell them right now. i am definitely going to gift one to my friend though! i wanted to include a bonus track, but i have no half finished songs that i feel belongs in the mix. i also plan to include a couple of artifacts... i still have yet to design the case art hehehe

anyways, in terms of exams i feel i have done pretty well. i am despising results day though! it kind of feels a bit unreal that everything is finished so quick! i don't have much to say in terms of college ending other than i am going to miss my friends a lot. i won't be able to see them as frequently anymore! but its cool as we meet up every sunday for dnd...

back to 18txt..

please submit 500x280 images (.gif, .png, .jpg) to my email.. or discord which is pc9801e! they will be used on the index page! i'm talkin' width = 500, height = 280 ! i will do the blue-white dithering myself... but a good way to check if your image will look good despite the limited color space, use threshold!

....also..... dare i say it........i want to redesign this site again.

thought 19

um. so! it turns out that the academic comeback did happen!! paper 1 actually went so well it's kind of uncanny how easy it was. 1 week left and i can finally work on things again!!

thought 18

whenever i am tired, yet need to work on something, i always listen to juke.

in other news, chiyoNET online, fka marisaspace came back today.. on THE blessed chiyo tuesday. i am maybe the biggest fan of it i think.. i really like the 808 cowbell notification noise,, thats my favourite thing! in other other news.. summer is coming soon. prepare for more content and projects here.

braindump 5

keeping this here for all eternity. i think its cwazy that im somehow remembered for playing a 17 minute long noise set in random peoples whirled rooms with an osaka avatar hehehe. i kind of like it.

i don't even use spacehey anymore.. thank you to vomitdistrict linking their spacehey on their site.. otherwise i wouldn't have even seen that message! i kind of miss 2020-2021 a little.. i miss being in the tight knit community i used to be in. now i have kind of drifted away and the scene is severely overshadowed by copy paste clones of each other that make mediocre dnb. the only thing im glad is gone is the pandemic brainrot. weeks of not speaking to real world people really does something! if i could organise my thoughts a lot better, i would most definitely make some sort of article about whatever the fuck happened to the breakcore(if i can even call it that anymore) scene from 2019 to now. so much has changed and its kind of crazy. if i could go back to how the scene was in 2019, i so would. take me back to the loud, glitchy, anime rainbow hell things used to be!

the 17 minute long noise set in question was himeko katagiri's set @ resident electronic music 11/10/2020.

thought 17

the more i think about university, the more freaked out i get! i just feel so unbelivably unprepared for it. not even to mention that i did not plan on even going to university! all i can do is just ponder on the "what-may-happens" and go down multiple never-ending thought rings.. or just not think about it at all!

on the flipside - i have So. many personal side projects to work on and that i want to work on.. and at the same time i have exams! the first thing that comes to mind is to push everything back until i have the free time to work on said projects but i am scared i will lose motivation. i would also like to leave the house during summer and not rot inside all day!

thought 16

1 WEEK TO REVISE AND I DID THE BARE MINIMUM.... THERE WILL BE NO ACADEMIC COMEBACK AND ITS SO OVER!!

in other news instead of focusing on my exams i have been focusing on programming..

i have created a little shoot-em-up base which i will build on very soon.. however i keep overcomplicating things so note to self: plan things before implementing or else disorganised code which leads to brain explosion.

i have had to start clean already once! i think it is me being haunted by the ghost of "things are only done one way and if you do it any other way you will die"

thought 15

i have spent multiple hours listening to duvet by boa uh oh

..... its a neat song

braindump 4

today i am at mcdonalds which is fun,, eating the cvrs meal and waiting for gig tonight that my friend is hosting ahhh!!!

apparently the poundland near me is shutting down,,, shame :c

i must buy all the arizona iced tea available from there, they are the only shop that sells it here

today is also my friend nyu's birthday

and also the day before i sign off for all my art subjects siiiiigghhhh :c

i will miss my classmates alot even though i was never suuper close to them, there were only 3 people i was close to in all my art classes

and plus i will always be able to see them around campus anyways c:

braindump 3

113 un read emails uhhh i dont want to go through them,,, but if i dont ill die,,, but i dont want to look at my laptop or anything right now. and EVERYTHING HURTS!! my brain and my body. a day ago (wednesday) i started something that i will now call the everything book. i do everything in it (draw, summarise day, reminders, important info etc etc...) i like it a lot and it is helping a lot i think especially with everything being stressful right now

it kind of feels like there is a constant pressure in my skull and i hate it because usually during that i am unable to really do anything work related. i can't tell if i'm brain fogged or burnt out

or maybe its my brain realising the reality of my situation right now

i wish i could stop time and spend forever doing little doodles and stuff in my everything book.

i also wish i could just be not human right now,, every day im closer to moving out of said situation but the closer i get the more terrified i feel.

i also also wish i could spend time with my wife but she is busy a lot of the time,, i hope she appreciates the cat videos i send her,,,

i kind of do not want to be present at this point of time but i am not saying that in a death way, just in an invisible way (i dont want to die and i am very sure of it right now)

ghhhhhhhhhhhh orbification (orbs)

it feels like life is like a sine wave (percieved good percieved bad with seemingly no reasoning to it at all)

thought 14

DREAM BLUNT ROTATION (in no specific order)

• mio
• satyrdays
• beskupehn_espira
• mythrill
• my wife
• gordon freeman
• a cat
• backface culling
• sorethroat
• pinkie pie
• vd
• ever 17
• saarah
• ravemail
• david

doing acid with these people would be fun also

thought 13

one day my laptop screen will display the colors correctly (never)(it will not)

also today i think i am finally 1 month clean from certain substance which i think is awesome,,, yay!

thought 12

its really nice to have your feelings validated and to finally know that you were not faking everything for years,,, today is a win for 14 year old me

thought 11

i feel really bad for putting a price on my music but i very much need it at the moment,, i think £1 should be enough for now + people can still get it for free over on soulseek and h3 music player,, gahh i hate school!!!!!!!!!

thought 10

why must i be reminded of a specific persons existence every single day TT

braindump 2

today i saw cool animals,, for a couple of seconds before things got overwhelming -_- do not ever participate in crowd stuff when majority are normals!!. at least i got to see a really cool millipede, a stickbug,, and my friend holding a leafbug,,, AND LIZZY ZIZZO IN THE FLESH!!!! i got to pet them too.. =w= have some images that i struggled to take in that idiot crowd

thought 9

i read 200 pages then gave up. also today i started therapy and my therapist is cool

thought 8

today i will read homestuck

thought 7

recently i have been hanging out in conejo island like crazy in my second life,, its a very cool place!! i would really like to contribute to the zine and im thinking of maybe doing some music review stuffs i am not entirely sure,, but if people would like to submit songs that would be cool! i think i will start with some of my friend's songs and outbranch from there on!

thought 6

have i said how much i love getting emails to do with my site? cause if i haven't i would like to let you know that i do. its a nice distraction from all the universities omd and other stuff,, if you are scared to email me for whatever reason just know i do not bite!!! i fear i may be seen as intimidating or something like that,,

really this is pertaining to an email i got a few days ago!! being able to know people enjoy my site makes me so happy,,

thought 5

these are my plans for the site before i forget..

• style the me stuff pages...
• finish shrines
• nijikaku sprite dump
• cool music page but for what i listen to
• more funny pages!!,,, ideally shrimp button page

thought 4

i am so damn sleepy the world cannot handle me!!!

　　　　　(･ω･)っ
　　　　　(っ　,ｒ
　　　　　 i_ﾉ┘

　　 　 　 ∧＿∧
　　　 ⊂(´･ω･｀)
　　　　 ヽ　⊂　）
　　　　　（⌒） ｜
　 　 　 　 三 `Ｊ


　　　∧∧
　　（*･ω･） 　Good night・・・
　 ＿|　⊃／(＿＿_
／　└-(＿＿＿_／
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣


　 ＜⌒／ヽ-、_＿_
／＜_/＿＿＿＿／
            

the world cannot fathom how eepy i am,,, im the most cosiest sleepiest person ever

braindump 1

i think that the core to all fears is the fear of the unknown!! so in order to get rid of all your fears, just get rid of your fear of the unknown.. i'm not sure if this applies to others but i did a lot of thinking about my brain and that seems to be it!! i am trying to make myself feel more positive about it,, and if things were to go a way i don't like, i wouldn't really take it so close to heart and just leave it as it is. and also i have a feeling there are more people on earth that are in humanoid vessels but on the inside are anything but that... however i will elaborate on why later!! it kind of sounds idiot but it will make sense.. at least it makes sense to me anyways B] i'm my own brains biggest fan

thought 3

sometimes look through sites in last updated and i find some really cool stuff... until i come across the carrd-esque layouts, right click blocker, syntax from hell, "i have been coding for a few years", "i want to get away from social media" *links social media on the site* websites... i dont think i understand those people

thought 2

perhaps i was right with that last thought.,, anyways todays though is i will revive developing my yakui ghost. i have literally nothing to do and i think i not overcomplicate things this time,, that was the issue i had last time!!

thought 1

i keep thinking to myself "omg i cannot wait until friday i have the time to do things!!!" and then i don't even do anything on the friday night cause i am too pre-occupied with school work.. perhaps this is ultimate method to stay clean